. I am even more sorry for the way I treated Ellen. She deserved a lot more than some bastard like me who just used her and was glad to see her go.”“Alan, I know you are hurting now, remembering what happened with Ellen,” Mindy said, “but I can’t help but also feel you are being a little too hard on yourself. What was it, about a month or six weeks later that ... that you ... you tried to...”I knew what Mindy was trying to say.“Yes,” I agreed, “I tried to kill myself about six weeks later.”“You are a different person, NOW, than you were back then, Alan,” Mindy stressed. “You can’t hold yourself accountable for what that person did.“I fell in love with the person you are, NOW,” Mindy added. “Not that other guy, not what you used to be. And I can tell you one thing for sure, Alan, the person I met two years ago is completely different from the Alan who was glad to see Ellen leave. It might only have been a couple of months later, but you had already changed.”For some time we just held. “I tried very hard to be a good man under King Tiadoa. He told me to always seek the pragmatic solution, and to above all, keep the peace. I built relationships with the kin of the forest, I went on goodwill missions, I preached de-escalation over violence to my troops. Yes, I directed tactical raids, but that was only to keep the power balanced amongst the tribes.” I turned to April, “I was a good man then, wasn’t I?”“You’re still a good man.” I frowned. “No, I’m not. I can’t be anymore. The rangers were originally created to hunt down the last dark-elves, and so the new queen has brought us back to our roots. We’re exterminators now, and all those relationships I built, all that goodwill, all that dogma I’ve instilled; it’s all for naught.” April put her arm around me. “Doing good is never a waste. There are those in the Great Forest who will remember you for the man you truly are, not the man you have to be.” She kissed my cheek, “How can you be a xenophobe when you love me? Now,.
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